The Upside of Living the Dream...

2007-11-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

The definition of happiness for one person can vary drastically from another, and depending on your current circumstances may vary drastically from your definition the previous year, week or even day ago.

My dream is to be a successful, independant, financially secure, much adored by her man of choice woman. So far I have fallen a bit short in each category, but I plug along with the goal of livin' my version of the Dream.

Let's get the man topic outta the way first. I am terribly in love with a man who I believe does not love me as much and in the same way as I do him. I have proof to back up my suspicions, like he still hasn't introduced me to his family, like he still hasn't finalized his divorce, and like he doesn't care to be socialble with the majority of my friends. Why do I stay then? everyone asks, because beyond all reason and against all logic just like Gladys Knight said, I'd rather be with him in his world then be without him in mine.

We have an unconventional relationship. We don't use labels to describe each other, I cringe at boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't want the 2.5 kids and the white picket fence with the 9-5 for the rest of my life and neither does he. We are not the settling down type of people. We are adventurers of mind and spirit bound by no one and no one ideal of what should be. We are kindred souls despite the surface differences and when you find that, it is heartbreaking and beyond impossible to concieve of giving that up. I am not blind to the areas of our relationship that could use a great deal of fine tuning, despite what those that care for me may think, but when it's good it's great, and it's great alot. I'm an extroidinarily loyal person with an incredible capacity to love unconditionally and yes, alot of the time he banks on that, but truth be told and the reason I stay is that I've never met anyone before that I could be my most authentic self with except him. There, I am done justifying my choice to the world. He is my Mr.Big and yes that would make me his Carrie. I've made my peace with that. Moving on.

I'd like to live on my own again. With Florida real estate being what it is and me paying my way through private college so I can live my version of the Dream with a degree under my belt, I have no choice but to live with a roommate for a few years. This is a bitter pill to swallow at my tender age of 29 and 1/2 and makes me feels totally lousy at times. I miss making my own mess and not having to deal with someone else's. I miss knowing exactly who the rampant animal like sex noise in the living room is coming from because it would only be me. There would be no confusion.

Basically, I miss the sanctuary I once had before I decided I wanted to be more, have more and be a fuller human being through privately funded education. I long once again for my own respite from the world designed for my comfort to suit my and only my tastes and preferences. Everyone needs "me time", after I graduate and secure decent paying employment in a field I am passionate about I plan on devoting a substantial portion of my net income to "me-space". That is what part of living my Dream is all about. My home, my place, my adult proof that I am responsible and indepenant and can make "it" happen. "It" being a vague feeling of contentedness that the choices in my life have all brought me one step closer to true happiness and a general sense of well being.

My version of the Dream is to live my life in an uncompromising way, restricted by no one person's ideal of how my life should be lived. I am at times restricted by my upbringing, societal norms and my own self doubt that my path in this world is true, but deep down in my heart of hearts I feel the means justify the ends and one day I will have "it" all!!! Why not I'm worth it!

The Upside of Being in debt to New York State...

2007-10-23T20:29:00.000-07:00

As a resident of New York State for the better part of my formative and early adult years I am accustomed to the ridiculous state taxes imposed on the every day person. There is a sales tax on the goods and services used every day and once a year the State of New york determines if they took enough from you throughout the year or if they need to take some more. Tax time is, for lack of a more polite way to put it, akin to taking it in the rear once a year without being kissed first. And last year I got hosed bad...I just didn't know it until now.

I relocated to Florida over three years ago and started enjoying the amazing weather the fine entertainment and the bevy of expensive cars I still can't figure out how everyone owns but me, and I discovered, much to my delight, that Florida does not impose upon its fine residents a state income tax. I dutifully changed my address with the United States Post Office and began my life as a Floridian. Story over? Oh no here's where it gets good so pay attention.

About a year and a half into my new life as a transplanted Yankee I received a bill from NYS stating I owed them $1200 for taxes owed from the 2003 tax year. I contacted the local office in Binghamton immediately to get to the bottom of this mystery bill and was informed that they couldn't locate me until now and I'd have to pay the bill with interest A.S.A.P! Keep in mind the United States Post Office had my current address on file, every other bill I owed found a way to my new residence without a worry, my grandmother sent my birthday card with that $20 spot, I still count on from her, without incident, and I was not playing a rousing game of hide and seek with the NYS IRS, but they couldn't find me. Uh- Huh. Sure.

Assuming quite rightly, that NYS bureaucracy was still a strong hold not worth spending my energy on, I asked if considering the circumstances they would forgive the interest and set me up on a payment plan. The answer was a resounding "no" that I'm positive rivaled the shot heard round the world! Three IRS robots and a supervisor later I was given a reasonable payment plan but got a no go on the interest portion of my argument. I had won the battle but not the war.

Everything was going rosy and for 14 months I dutifully had the State of New York withdrawal $100 dollars from my account every month. Hey man, I'm not going down like Al Capone. I'm a good person and a tax paying citizen. I don't hate the playa, but I do hate the game.

The game has its own rules and you don't get to learn them until its too late. I lost my job this past May and as a result as those in a similar situation do, I cut back on all but necessary spending, and aggressively attempted to reenter the work force as quickly as I had been removed from it. I did fine in June. What little money I had coupled with a loan from my parents got me through. Then in July with funds running low and barely able to take care of the most basic of living expenses I called the NYS IRS to ask for a pass on one months payment. It's like a scary movie, you know what's coming and you're powerless to stop it.

After a brief explanation of my situation I was informed that If I needed to postpone a payment I would have had to call by the 27th of the previous month to stop the electronic transfer. We are in the age of technology and I know good and dang well it doesn't take 18 days to stop electricity from transmitting. Now mind you, I am not an electrician or an electrical scientist, but a few things really are common sense. I had no options, no money to pay my last two installments and no empathy or assistance being offered by the big bad NYS IRS. I was frustrated, devastated and felt financially hopeless. I ended the call with some unkind words and a swift hang up. I was at the end of my rope. I couldn't take much more. They say money can't buy happiness but they lie. It buys security and when you aren't scrambling to cover the day to day stuff you have the luxury of focusing on what makes you happy.

As a result of this excruciatingly circular conversation with "Your Friendlier IRS", two $35 dollar bank fees were posted on my bank account that I couldn't pay resulting in several other bills not being covered and a frantic dash to figure out how to get myself out of this hole in a hurry. The next month another attempt was made to withdrawal a hundred more dollars and another bank fee was incurred. Awesome. Bring it on!

Furious, I called again and asked to speak with a manager who informed me that there was nothing he could do but make a payment in full or go on another payment plan and incur more interest. That the policy was policy and unless I actually said " don't attempt to take money out of my bank, I am unemployed and broke" they would continue attempting to collect the automatic withdrawal. He further informed me that the IRS was not responsible for my bank fees that that was my problem and that even though it was never stated anywhere on the original paperwork I should have known that I needed to call by the 27th of the previous month to stop any withdrawal. After a truly heated attempt at rationally speaking with an employee of the NYS IRS I ended the call tearfully stating " you know what's really f-d up? It's not that you can't help me, it's that you won't!"

Watch your temper ladies and gentlemen, because should you loose it out of frustration like I did you will receive a warrant for the balance of your tax debt, just like I did, stating that for the $235 dollars left owed to the State of New York they can now seize any personal property to recoup their losses! Oh yeah baby bring it on!

Give me a serious break here State of New York IRS! I never said I wouldn't pay you! I have been, without fail, a dutiful tax repaying citizen for the last 14 months and when I hit hard times I get a lovely little guess you're s.o.l and a lien put on my financial records because one of your employees is on a power trip and possibly suffering from little man syndrome! He really showed me, showed me exactly why the IRS has a bad reputation. I can't pay you yet, I didn't say never! Isn't a bit of an extreme reaction to go to such lengths over $200 dollars which if I had I would have given you by now!???

I may have to find a child that isn't mine to claim this year just to pay NYS back and be done with it. I'm kidding, but it is tempting right? Millions of people cheat on their taxes each year and I'm the one treated like a criminal. I was going to write a letter directly to the commissioner of the NYS IRS, Barbara G. Billet, but she's harder to get a direct address for than a witness in the FBI protection program. Go figure.

The good thing though is at least I know my tax money is being spent wisely... to send me all that paperwork for the lien all because of $200 dollars. Awesome!

The Up-side of a Downward Spiral.

The Upside of Living the Dream...

The Upside of Being in debt to New York State...